"Beauty fades. Dumb is forever."
"Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining."
"If it doesn't make sense, it's not true."
"I love the truth. If you don't tell me the truth, you're gonna be eating your shoes."
"If you live to be a hundred, you will never be as smart as me. On your BEST day, you're not as smart as *I* am on my WORST day."
"...I eat morons like you for breakfast. You're gonna be crying before this is over."
"...Yeah, right, and I was born in 1965."
"Have you ever heard of the K.I.S.S. principle? 'Keep It Simple, Stupid.'"
"I'm the boss, Applesauce."