Looking for a surefire way to burn off that holiday muffin top? Sure, Crossfit is a great excuse to burn calories while watching strangers doing squat thrusts. But although countless fanatics may swear by it, the country’s newest fitness craze has a mysterious absence of two things: leotards and B-list celebrities. For that we’ve scoured the interwebs to bring you five celebrity fitness programs from the 80s and 90s. So lace up your white Reeboks and don your French cut leotards because we’re about to get physical all up in here.
You may never have a body like Fabio. You may never even want a body like Fabio. But if you have the will, there’s a video. In this 1993 workout program, the Italian model shares his fitness secrets with the world which include strength training, high repetitions, a tract of man-cleavage that rivals the Grand Canyon and many, many hair flips.
If you like your workouts with a more generous serving of leg warmers, check out Jane Fonda’s videos from the 80s and 90s. You won’t be alone. The former Barbarella star has sold over 17 million copies over the years. And if your video tapes, like mine, are starting to wear out from daily viewings over the last 32 years, there’s good news. Five of Jane Fonda’s most popular workout videos will be available for download starting next week.
“Some people were born with great legs,” says Suzanne Somers. “The rest of us have to work at it.” If you’re a member of the second demographic, there’s hope. And it comes in the form of plastic and a spring. It’s called the Thighmaster and it was endorsed by one-third of Three’s Company and a surgeon named Herbert. Not sold yet? According to the advertisement, it can easily pack into a suitcase, so you can use it while on vacation, strengthening your glutes and scaring everyone at poolside at the same time.
If you’re at work, it’s probably best not to look this one up or else you’ll find yourself having to explain to HR why you’re googling the words Teen Steam. That was the title of Alyssa Milano’s 1988 fitness program. She was only 15 at the time, but already a big star from her role as Samantha Micelli on Who’s the Boss? (Did the show ever answer that question?) Anyway, take a look for yourself, unless you’re a middle-aged guy at a Starbucks and don’t want to look way creepy.
Fact #1: Chuck Norris can sleep with his eyes open. Fact #2: Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Fact #3: Chuck Norris has appeared in a variety of workout videos. As the spokesperson for the Total Gym exercise machine, the martial-artists-turned-cultural-meme praises the benefits of a strength training machine that can fold up and conveniently be stored under your bed. Forever.