Top Five Newsmakers: Gwyneth Paltrow Gets Eviscerated By Martha Stewart, Teresa Giudice Gets Time, & More

This week was all about the ladies. Gwyneth Paltrow and Martha Stewart waged a WASP-y war of words. Their new rival, Blake Lively announced she will have a lively baby. Teresa Giudice will have a new home for the next 15 months, while Jennifer Lawrence needs some new friends. And sadly, a great comedienne passed away. Catch up with this week’s girl-powered celebrity gossip...
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This week was all about the ladies. Gwyneth Paltrow and Martha Stewart waged a WASP-y war of words. Their new rival, Blake Lively announced she will have a lively baby. Teresa Giudice will have a new home for the next 15 months, while Jennifer Lawrence needs some new friends. And sadly, a great comedienne passed away. Catch up with this week’s girl-powered celebrity gossip...

Gwyneth Paltrow Proves Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Chilled With Kale Sauce

Gwyneth Paltrow Photo

(Photo: Getty)

If you feel a distinct chill in the air, it’s not just autumn weather. It’s Gwyneth Paltrow blowing shade on Martha Stewart. The O.G. lifestyle expert/ex-con fired the first shot in this very cold war last month when she said, in an interview with Net-A-Porter, “She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.” Like all great insults, it was both mean and accurate. Stewart also gets bonus points for being self-aggrandizing. And accurate.

The Oscar-winning-now-relegated-to-supporting-roles actress/conscious uncoupler/GOOP proprietress fired back with a passive-aggressive move that she surely learned while attending Manhattan’s exclusive Spence school: she hired Stewart’s former CEO, Lisa Gersh, to be the new CEO of GOOP. Boom! Of course, it also tacitly proved Stewart was right about Paltrow’s desire to be her. Then, on Tuesday, at Fortune magazine’s Most Powerful Woman Summit, she won a decisive victory in this week’s Battle of the Domestic Goddesses with an unexpected strategy: being likable. During a videotaped interview, she quipped, “No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated. I’ll try to recover.” Who knew that the most mocked woman in America had a sense of humor? Then she delivered an Eve Harrington style takedown, “If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I really am.”

Blake Lively Has A Very Chic Bun In Her Oven

Blake Lively Photo

(Photo: Getty)

Paltrow and Stewart have an upstart rival, Blake Lively, who recently launched her own How-To-Be-Just-Like-Me site, Preserve. She made good use of it on Monday when she announced her pregnancy via a post complete with an artfully shot photograph of her baby bump. Indeed, the former Gossip Girl and her husband, movie star Ryan Reynolds, are expecting a child. Perhaps this sure-to-be gorgeous baby will combine the It Girl qualities of Serena Van Der Woodsen and the superpowers of the Green Lantern. It’s a near-certainty that its childhood will be chronicled in some of Preserve’s artsy photo essays. Given that Ryan Reynolds has an entirely media-generated rivalry with the other Canadian Ryan, Ryan Gosling, this could be seen as an attempt to follow in recent dad Gosling’s footsteps.

Teresa Giudice Goes from Reality Star to Harsh Reality

Teresa Giudice Photo

(Photo: Shutterstock)

At the opposite end of the taste spectrum, Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice also attempted to market herself as a lifestyle expert, writing several Italian cookbooks and creating her own hair products line. It turns out that she will be emulating Stewart in another way: she will soon be a Federal Prison inmate. Last week she and her husband, Joe, were sentenced to prison for fraud and tax evasion. The couple lied about their finances on numerous loan applications so they could borrow millions of dollars to perpetuate the illusion that they were wealthy. 

Most criminals are smart enough to attempt to stay below the radar, but Teresa apparently did not realize that starring in a popular reality show in which she regularly paid for luxury goods in cash would attract the government’s attention. Monday and Thursday, Giudice appeared on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live and seemed to be in deep denial about pretty much everything. It actually seemed plausible that, as she claimed, she was stupid enough to sign a bunch of forms without reading them. Giudice received a 15-month sentence, the same length of time as Piper in Orange Is the New Black. Surely Bravo sees the “Real Housewives of Camp Cupcake” spin-off possibilities here.

Jennifer Lawrence Has The Worst Friends Ever

Jennifer Lawrence Photo

(Photo: Getty)

Jennifer Lawrence was one of many celebrities whose nude photos were posted all over the Internet by some unscrupulous hackers. Lawrence refuses to be shamed or humiliated by the incident. In an interview with Vanity Fair that was published Wednesday she said that when her photos were leaked she said, “I started to write an apology, but I don’t have anything to say I’m sorry for. I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you.” 

She added that she thinks the people who looked at the pictures are the ones who have something to answer for. “Anybody who looked at those pictures, you’re perpetuating a sexual offense. You should cower with shame. Even people who I know and love say, ‘Oh, yeah, I looked at the pictures.’ I don’t want to get mad, but at the same time I’m thinking, I didn’t tell you that you could look at my naked body.” Wait a minute. Jennifer Lawrence has friends who not only looked at the photos, but told her about it? Why is she hanging out with such mean people? She needs a new clique.

RIP Jan Hooks

Jan Hooks Photo

(Photo: Wikimedia Commons)

Former Saturday Night Live and Designing Women star Jan Hooks passed away on Thursday. She was only 57. According to TMZ, she was battling a serious illness. Hooks was a "Not Ready for Primetime Player" from 1986-91, one of the show’s golden eras, and continued to make occasional appearances on the show until 1994. Her best known characters included lounge singer Candy Sweeney of The Sweeney Sisters and Hillary Clinton. Most recently, she played Jenna’s mother on 30 Rock. Hooks is the third SNL star of her era to die an untimely death. Chris Farley died in 1997 and Phil Hartman died in 1998.