Instead of popping up a typical florally Mother’s Day post, we thought it’d be fun take a bunch of famous moms—from past and present—and shove them in categories that you’d typically associate with momminess. (Because what woman doesn’t want to be labeled and put into a category?)
So while most of you will be celebrating the beauty, brains, strength, and resilience of your own mothers this Sunday, think fondly of our seven “mom types” and see how these famous ladies remind you or thankfully don’t remind you of your own…
Mom Who’d Never Be a Fashion Embarrassment: Jackie O
While many moms drive (or drag) themselves out to run errands in Crocs, fat pants, and cray-cray hair, that’s something that would NEVER happen on Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis‘ watch.
Throughout the “happy” years of Camelot, the post-JFK assassination, the post-Aristotle Onassis debacle, and til the end of her life, the raven-haired, wide-eyed Bouvier beauty mesmerized the masses with her elegance of finely structured coats, pill box hats, sleeveless sheath dresses, oversized sunglasses, and printed scarves. Never mind the bill, honey, Jackie O‘s love for couture and European designers became the envy of every American woman’s wardrobe.
Even when the paparazzo snapped her on the streets of New York City wearing her “casual” clothes (remember her famous long-sleeved ribbed henley top?), she managed a certain effortless that was timeless and chic. Yeah, we highly doubt JFK Jr. and Caroline were ever embarrassed of their mama’s duds growing up.
Mom Who Best Represents Reality: Heidi Klum
Best Reality TV Mom. Ok, we know: Just reading this category might make you wanna scream: “OxyMORON!” in Chris Rock‘s voice, but we’re gonna take a chance and move way past the mass reproductivity of the Duggars, the immobile faces of the Real Housewives, and applaud the sassy Heidi Klum!
We understand she might turn you off a bit with her rather blunt critiques on Project Runway (she’s called The Kluminator for a reason), but the reality TV host and supermodel seems like she’s generally got her ish in order and lives life with a tall order of confidence. From establishing herself as an internationally recognized brand, maintaining that ridic bone structure, and juggling being the mom of four obscenely cute kids without flipping out on camera, Heidi gives reality moms a good name.
Mom Who Makes You Think You Can Do It All (Even Though You Know You Really Can’t): Sheryl Sandberg
With her bestselling book, Lean In, and an eponymous movement that compels women to go around in “circles,” Facebook COO and mom Sheryl Sandberg seemingly manages to do about 100 things at once and still gets home to have dinner with the kids. (Alright, so she pulls her laptop out right after she puts her boys to bed, but that’s just how she rolls.).
Sheryl’s ease at “multi-tasking” her way into excellence is inspiring if you read her book, but she even admits herself, she’s had to make sacrifices (i.e. she acknowledges she can’t have it all). The trick, she says, is being wise about distinguishing what matters and what doesn’t. Boo yah.
Mom You’d Want Your Science Project Done By: Madame Curie
Nevermind your mom helping you out with your flimsy baking soda volcano or astronomy projects, let’s talk radioactivity and atoms and zapping cancer cells! If you’re looking for the ultimate maternal scientific brain, look no further than Marie Curie, who was a trailblazer in the study of radioactivity at the turn of the 20th century.
Curie was the first woman to have won two Nobel Prizes in two fields, one she shared with her husband Pierre Curie and Henri Becquerel in Physics in 1903, and the other she garnered on her own in Chemistry in 1911.
And the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. The elder of Curie’s two daughters, Iréne Joliot-Curie, apparently took an interest in her mother’s legacy, and she, too— along with her husband—was later awarded a Nobel Prize in Chemistry for discovering artificial radioactivity.
Mom You’d Want to Be Adopted By: Sandra Bullock
She piggie snorts. That’s enough to make us vote Sandra Bullock as the mom whom we’d want to adopt us—like, even now—and we’re pretty dang old.
Between the rise of Reese Witherspoon and a horse laugh after Julia Roberts, Sandy shimmied her way into the coveted “America’s Sweetheart” category, and to this day has never really relinquished the title. She’s not only an A-list, Oscar-winning actress, but she’s also a successful producer and a restauranteur, which makes her all the more cooler to call mom.
Although she let People mag cover her adoption of her lil guy, Louis, whom she scooped up in 2010, Sandy keeps her personal life private—even when she kicked philandering ex Jesse James to the curb. This mama doesn’t like drama.
Mom Who Scares the Muffin Top Off of You: Jillian Michaels
Jillian Michaels may only stand at 5′ 3,” but her booming voice, flaring nostrils, and ripped six pack and biceps will obliterate you if you even think of sticking a donut in your mouth.
On Biggest Loser, while trainer Bob Harper plays good cop, she welcomes her rap as the bad cop. But behind her grunts and flip outs to make you shed the chunk, Jillian’s appeal is that she’s all heart. And it’s that mix of discipline and love that’ll be a win-win for her toddler son and daughter—both for their well being…and their future BPI (i.e. Body Fat Index). Mom being a mogul millionaire helps, too.
Mom Who Makes You Grateful for Your Own Momma: Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Paltrow was born and blessed with many gifts: She has a natural talent for acting, she’s lovely to look at (she was just crowned People‘s Most Beautiful Woman), her body is one of the most immaculately sculpted in Hollywood, and she has the coolest rock star hubby ever.
But despite this long list of enviables that is part of the Gwynnie Construct, there is that other side of her that makes us sooo grateful she’s not our mama. Would you like to see the list? We’re showing you anyway…
List of Mama Nuh-Uhs: Naming your child after a piece of fruit, her self-indulging GOOP “luxury brand,” her cupping phase, her need to use lemon and Agave in everything, the existence of her cookbooks, her never-ending cleanses, her macrobiotic diets, her alleged yoga breaks while on film sets, and her new gluten-free, no carb diet she’s forcing her children and hubs Chris Martin to partake in. (Even if the last point was the only act she was guilty of, that would be enough to vote her off the freaking island.).
Do you have any fun Mom Monikers for other famous moms? What label would you moms give yourself?